So heres my life at the present.

Connor and I for a short while made an 'agreement'
For a little while I thought things were going back to where they were.
How we use to talk all night.
Say random things.
Lets just say i was falling for him...AGAIN (stupid Kerina)

But then I fucked up my chances.
Again.
He took something meaningful to me.
As a joke.
I freaked out.
And we didn't speak for a few days.

And there's this stupid chick we're both friends with.
I swear to god she's a fucking demon.
She acts all innocent.
Then she destroys people's lives.
And she tries to make people feel sorry for her.
She gets involved with everything.
Like the day I freaked out on him.
She thought it was her place to get involved.
Which it wasn't.
I was giving the stupid bitch a ride home.

Then a week later she texted me saying she wanted to hurt herself because Connor wasn't talking to her.
So I bitched her out.
Called her out.
And told her to stop feeling sorry about herself.
She tried to turn it around on me by calling me a hypocrit.

Let's just say I've had a rough year.
My mom tried to have me committed for suicide.
Something in my mind just made me go off.
Before anything happened between me and Connor.

I wasn't ok.
I just don't think I was ready to have a boyfriend.
And he wasn't ready to have a girlfriend.
He still isn't.
Despite the fact he has another one.
And I am not sad or angry or jealous.
I could really care less.
I had to fucking push him to get her.
He was pulling the same shit he did on me.
He was being a pussy.
Saying it was pointless to try.
Because of his stupid friend was trying to sabotage him.
I told him to take control and punch the bastard.
He told me he didn't want to be alone because he was his only 'friend'
Geesh.
But the girl texted him, and gave him an ultimatum.
Ask her out or the opportunity is gone.
I told him to be a man and do it.
He did.
She said since he made her wait she was gonna make him wait.
(I love this chick. I wish I was as strong as she is. Not willing to take Connor's crap. Now lets just see how long this lasts)
Then a few minutes later she gave in and said yes.

I'm not gonna lie.
I am actually happy for him.
But this whole thing made me realize something.
He definately isn't the guy for me.
He's too weak.
He needs to have more motivation.
If he wants something he needs to grab it while he can before its lost.
Thanks to him I'm a whole different person.
I will never let a guy walk all over me again.
He was a great first choice.
I thought he would be my last.
But I know he definately isn't.
No there isn't any new eye candy in my life.
But I'm content with that.
I don't need a guy to be happy.
I don't need to be told I'm loved every day to feel better about myself.
I'm happy with where I stand in my life right now.
And no one.
NO ONE.
Will ever take that away from me.

In closing all I can say is this:
Connor Joshua Norton is a great friend. (When he tries)
Sucky Boyfriend.
I just hope he won't do to his new girlfriend what he did to me.
And I hope that she doesn't hurt him too bad (however I feel as though she probably will see what a panzy he his and will dump him, which will probably totally destroy him.)

(ps. we haven't talked in like 3 days. But I'm no longer waiting by the phone for him to text back. If he doesn't text me back he's just a bitch. lol.)